You might be a conservative if...

You might be a conservative if “you accuse a those who disagree with you of being a gutless traitor” or “if you have an unhealthy obsession with Keith Olberman”.

You might be a conservative “if you’re a pro-lifer who supports the death penalty and your knee jerk reaction to every international problem is “nuke em”.

You might be a conservative “if you think attempts to conserve energy or water are the work of Satan”.

You might be a conservative “if your arguments pivot on word play (e.g. czar, climate change, Obamayomama)”

You might be a conservative “if you confuse weather for climate or science for religion”.

You might be a conservative “if you pretend you’re a constitutional lawyer because you took a business law class back in 1962”.

You might be a conservative “if you think the best diplomacy is invading a country and worrying about the implications afterwards”.

You might be a conservative “if you quote the bible in over 50% of your conversations”

You might be a conservative “if you think Obama is a Muslim terrorist who plans to return to his planet after destroying the United States”

You might be a conservative “if you attack socialism while submitting your medical bills to Medicare”

You might be a conservative “if you support Prop 8 while boasting all men are created equal” or

You might be a conservative “if you think talking about health care problems is more honorable than actually trying to solve health care problems” or

You might be a conservative“if you blame all the problems in your life on people of color” or

You might be a conservative“if you call yourself a Christian while spewing speech filled with hate, intolerance and lies” or

You might be a conservative “if you say you love America yet you hate over half the Americans” or

You are DEFINITELY a conservative “if you have complaints but no solutions.”